i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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