soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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