I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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