I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
