Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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