everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize