I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
my god I love twenty year old dicks
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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