like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
