Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
