So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
