at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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