This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
