I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize