went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
