hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
whose parrot is this?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
