Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
