she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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