i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I deserve this hangover.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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