oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
