do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
