her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
