You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
