My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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