i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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