1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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