mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
