So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
