i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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