He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
