Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
His nipple licking is glorious
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