You made me cry and you don't even care
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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