DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
