What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
this beer tastes like vomit already
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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