the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize