fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
