Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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