she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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