no, he came in my armpit
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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