so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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