I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
