You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
