I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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