finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
