apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
