my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize