Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
