just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me š
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You kept saying ākekeā over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case youāre wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Canāt fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You need to go! Itās a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they donāt have a picket fence and family. Thatās when your penis introduces himself
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