just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
