Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
