For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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