She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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