If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
