im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
