dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize