so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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