Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
