There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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