Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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