I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
