I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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