So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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