I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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