There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize