If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She's the barista slut.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
