I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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