For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So much rum. So many feels.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
