I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
