Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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