Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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