dude i'm inner monologue high
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
