the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
