it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
