oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
