I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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