A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
