I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
