she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
