Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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