You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
