I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
