I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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