I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
