she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
