I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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