There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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