I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
