Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
