the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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