Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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