so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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