He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize