he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
