did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
false alarm. still invincible.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize