I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
