At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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