dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
