did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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