ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
