I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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