I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
