I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize